Often times it is tough to face things in life, but for some people the hardest thing to face is the person they see in the mirror every day. These are people who face other trials and tribulations of life with ease and they often quake when forced to look at the part they play in their life. When forced to deal with what they have chosen to do, they collapse in on themselves. This problem affects them in every area of their lives, including their relationships.
Case and point: I have a dear friend who is constantly sabotaging herself. She moves from one bad boyfriend to another, each time swearing that she is done. She’d rather be alone than be with a man and two months later; she is dating the same man again. It is more than just the primal fear of being alone, it is her fear that if she is alone, she is going to have to face who she is. She will have no one else to blame for her problems.
This is something that is frightening; there are so many things that people put on the back burner. I have even done this in the past, thinking I was protecting myself. For over a year, I avoided many parts of myself in order to just make it to the next da. Then, I started to deal with myself, with the pain and the problems that I had faced. It is a slow process to deal with these issues, but it is something that must be done. By unburdening myself, I have found out more than I ever expected. Strength that I was certain had failed me, was still there. I still had passion for creating, for life, but I had to rediscover who I really am to know that.
That is not to say that I do not have issues that I still have to deal with because of my own problems. I am a bit of a relationship klutz and have a hard time being seen as anything more than a friend to a man. However, to keep from joining the relationship hopping procession, I have to remind myself that I am worth my standards. Might my standards be a bit high? Yes, but if I am going to be able to face who I am, I cannot lower my standards for anyone or anything. I cannot afford to think less of myself. I cannot afford to place a lesser value on the person that I believe I am.
My friend has often talked about how she has a hard time with maintaining her standards. While she acknowledges that she has made some bad decisions, she does not face them. She has told me on countless occasions about her aspirations and dreams. Each time I tell her to chase them, do whatever is necessary to make her dream a reality. That is when the excuses start. She’ll claim that she does not have the money, might fail a class, or that she is just dumb. All of which can be genuine concerns, except for the fact that I know all of them are untrue. She has a brilliant mind when she applies herself. She is a hard worker and could easily work and go to school, but she never moves past speaking about her plans. She is so utterly afraid of failure that she does not give herself a chance.
Each person has to go through their own process to face the person that they really are, the person that they try to hide from the world. For some, this requires professional therapy and gentle nudging about what they should do in their lives. For others, it just requires a night or two chatting with their family and friends. It requires them to listen to what those closest to them have to say and act on it. When a person is miserable, they want to avoid the truth at all costs. However, dealing with the pain is the only want to move forward. Getting to know who they really are, frees up so many other avenues in their lives. They just have to be willing to face who and what they really are.