The Up Front Approach

The title pretty much says it all,but I will further explain the up front approach and why I think dating might be a lot easier if more people were to use it.  In short- this approach is simple- you let the person know what you want from the beginning.  Now- if you want a marriage out of the relationship, you should probably wait a few months before talking about that.  If you are not looking to settle down or are actively dating a few people at one time- you should probably tell the person from the beginning.

A male friend of mine has been talking a lot about this little gem when it comes to relationships.  He cites the fact that it worked well for him while he was dating and it let the girl know where he stood.  Personally- I would appreciate that from men, not the guess work and everything else.  If I am firmly in ‘friend’ territory (which I have pretty much always lived in)- let me know- I will gladly move on.  If you want something more and aren’t really sure about how to go about it- I’d appreciate knowing that too.  It will save the both of us time if we figure out early on that we aren’t really interested in the same thing.  Could things evolve and change over time?  Yes, but if you are in a friendship or relationship that has open communication this will be something that you can easily talk about.

Ultimately- the up front approach makes communication key- from the beginning.  You might not hear the things that you want to hear from the very beginning, but you are not going to be dragged down a long, winding road that will only lead you back to ‘go’ while leaving a bad taste in your mouth.  This is an approach that will take practice and it is probably an approach that will turn some people off, but if they aren’t willing to stick around and see what will happen- they weren’t right for you anyway.  I know it can be uncomfortable stating that you aren’t interested in anything serious or that you are expressly looking for something serious- but wouldn’t you appreciate the same thing from the person you are dating?  If you wouldn’t appreciate that- then you should probably stop reading now.  This isn’t for you.

I know people babble on and on about mystery and liking how a girl or guy is mysterious.  You can still be mysterious in what information you give to the person and be completely upfront about what you want from the relationship at hand.  If all you want is a good time- you should probably let them know.  If you are looking for something slightly more serious- tell them that too.  Don’t say you want to get married on the first date, but don’t lie if you truly are ready to settle down and that is what you are looking for.  This is all about not wasting each others time and I can respect that.  Will it probably hurt some people?  Yeah.  Will it save some pain though?  Of course and that is the most that you can hope for- to save yourself and some others a bit of pain.

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