As women- we are very good at being our own worst enemy. We look in the mirror and see all of the things that we need to change. We see all of the things that we had done wrong in the past. All of the ways that WE have failed. It is hard not to do this- but all of that negativity is biting you in the backside. You have to learn how to me your own best friend. Will you still need your other friends? Yes. But you have to start with some small steps of self acceptance.
There have definitely been times when I have not been my best friend. There were times when I didn’t like myself very much and I dug myself so far into my shell that I thought I would never come out. Things are changing and it is all a learning experience. I’m sure I will mess up along the way, but this is much better than the way I was living in the past. The following is going to be some of my advice and some of the ways that I have learned to be my own friend again.
The negativity stops here.
You see the extra weight. You see the shape of your face. You see that you are too short, too fat, too skinny, too tall, you have no boobs and thunder thighs. You see all of this stuff and you know what- most of the world doesn’t see it. Most of the world sees other qualities that you don’t even begin to understand. There are people out there that think you are beautiful- even if you don’t see it. There are people out there that think that you are just right, just as you are. So stop beating yourself up and work on the things you CAN control. Don’t fill your head with negative thoughts, the world will beat you up enough- it is unnecessary for you to do so to yourself.
Give yourself a break.
Your best friends love you just the way that you are and they are more than willing to give you a break when you have a bad day (week, month, year- any time frame will do). Why is it that we cannot do that for ourselves? So- give yourself a break when you mess up and don’t dwell on it. Give yourself a break after a bad day and know that you will do better the following day. We are all going to go through some rough patches, but how you handle it determines the true outcome.
Laugh at yourself.
I will freely admit that I act like a fool sometimes. I sing along to the songs that are playing in Wal-Mart and dance down the aisles (this seriously embarrasses my little sister- which makes it all the more fun). I say things that sound funny to other people that I mean with the utmost seriousness (I blame this on my southern accent). The fact is though- it doesn’t bother me and I usually find myself laughing along with them. Why should I take myself too seriously? There are times when I have to be serious- but it is much better to laugh it off than it is to scream and rant about it. Do I still pitch hissy fits every once in awhile? Yep. Can I laugh at myself after I do it? Absolutely.
Enjoy your chocolate.
This goes right along with ‘give yourself a break’- sometimes you just need chocolate or a hamburger or onion rings or whatever your guilty pleasure is. It might not even be food- it might be buying that dress that you’ve been staring at for months or getting that pair of high heels that you really can’t afford, but just have to have. In essence- treat yourself to something good every once in awhile. You may not feel like you deserve it, but you do. There are just some times when you are going to have to treat yourself, because no one else is going to do it. Do not feel guilty about it, but don’t go out and put yourself in debt either.
Smile at yourself in the mirror.
This might sound a little stupid, but it actually works. You have to work on liking what you see in the mirror. You have to be able to smile at yourself and just be happy with who you are. This could probably go with the negativity bit, but I feel it needs its own heading. This is all about finding the good things- whether it is your eyes, your lips, your nose or something else of the sort. Find it and appreciate it. You’ll be surprised in what this simple thing will do for your self confidence.
If you aren’t your own best friend- now is the time to work on it. Now is the time to start loving yourself and accepting all of your faults and your best features. You won’t be single forever, but loving yourself helps you get through the times when being single hits you the worst. Sometimes you may need to phone a friend for help and a reminder that your bad days will be over soon. And that is fine- because sometimes you are going to need a reminder that you really are worth it.