I’m Nice to Everybody- That Does Not Mean I Like Everybody

I am starting to discover that there is a smidge of a problem with me being nice to just about everybody- many people take this as a sign that I like them.  My, somewhat clueless, mind does not necessarily notice this until other people point it out or until I am in an ‘oh dear goodness- you didn’t really think I…’ type of situation.  It has made me take a step back and think about what messages my being nice has sent to people over the years.

I harp on and on about how I don’t like being given false hope and how I don’t want to give false hope to others.  It is by no means fair and it is not something that I enjoy feeling myself.  The problem that I have is that I don’t know how NOT to be nice to people.  I know how to ignore them and things like that, but I don’t know how to not have polite chit chat.  Being from the southern states- chit chat is a premium and everyone knows how to chit chat.  My goodness- I’m sure there are even places that have lessons on how to talk to people in the Wal-Mart line and politely inquire about their unknown children.  I have seen this in action.  I do not really meet strangers and I can talk to just about anyone if you leave me in a room with them long enough.

The key difference for me is if I am actually enjoying the conversation.  If a guy thinks that I care about the specifics of computer programming it is far above and beyond anything that I give a crap about.  I do good to be able to use microsoft office most days- don’t expect me to do anything miraculous with computers.  However, if you talk to me about baking or football- I’m pretty much all ears.  If you can crack a joke, that is even better.  Still the point is- I talk to tons of people that I am not necessarily particularly fond of.

One of my good friends husband’s answered a general question that I had about advice with men and what he said was pretty simple- if a guy is nice to you he likes you.  Before anyone starts jumping to conclusions that this is one thousand percent true and that every guy that opens a door for you is actually secretly interested in you- you should probably take a breath.  There is a difference between ‘manner’s and being nice.  I honestly view polite chit chat as manners and that is obviously sending some mixed signals that I do not wish to send.

So am I going to stop being nice to people?  No.  I can’t do that, I don’t know how to do that.  But the one thing that is really bothering me is that something that I view as a good thing is having some negative repercussions that I would have never thought of.  And sadly, it seems like the guys that I am genuinely interested in are just like me- they have really good manners.

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