I am at the point in the dating journey where the above question has started popping into my head more and more. Every time that I decide to give dating a try- this question becomes my worst enemy. I start wondering if anyone that I am actually interested in can actually be interested in me. I start wondering if I only attract people to me that I am, by nature, absolutely not interested in. I wonder what I am doing wrong that is pushing away the people that I am interested in. In this situation though, the only thing that I can really control is me and how I react.
How I usually react though, is not pretty. It is with a full fight of self doubt and beating myself up over things that are, mostly, out of my control. This time though- I am bound and determined to do things differently and this is starting with asking some of the not so pretty questions that are going through my mind right now and I am asking these questions to people that have a good history of being honest with me.
One of the questions that I asked was am I really that hard to approach. I’ve never seen myself as someone that is extremely difficult to approach and talk to and going through all of the bs about me ‘intimidating’ guys will just waste more time than I have allotted to this project. The answer that I got was what I thought- I’m not a difficult person to approach. So- if that isn’t it- what is it?
Is it possible that I have absolutely horrible taste in guys and that I am only attracted to people that, by nature, are not attracted to me in return? I honestly have no clue on how to answer that question. I think that I am reasonable in the people that I am attracted to and I certainly know the people that I am not interested in. I don’t try to go for men that are ‘out of my league’ (although what girl doesn’t like looking at men like Channing Tatum) and while I allow myself to fantasize, I try to be realistic about the men that I actually take an interest in.
Am I absolutely horrible at reading if a guy likes me? In all honesty- this answer appears to be a resounding yes. I usually don’t pick up on someone liking me until either someone else points it out or they start doing things that are blatantly obvious. If I am interested in someone though- I start looking for signs and I am generally better at being able to figure out if said person is actually interested or not. If they have not even crossed my mind into ‘interested land’- I can probably be considered to be completely clueless about whether or not they are interested.
The fact is- I don’t really know how dateable I am. I have found out that people find me attractive, but that hasn’t really lead to any dates. I haven’t had much of a chance to really practice and find out, which is kinda a rough pill to swallow at times. The fact is though, I can’t keep hiding every time that some rejection comes my way. I’ll never accomplish anything if I do that and while this is going to hurt and I am going to be uncomfortable, I have to have some faith that God has a plan for me. Because right now- my plans don’t seem to be working out so well and while I’m going to keep trying, sometimes you have to listen to the man upstairs and go with what He says.