Yesterday, while I was driving to church- I had this thought. I should write a Single Girl Survival Guide, which will be weekly articles about fun situations that us single women find ourselves in. I’ll still continue writing all of my other stuff, which is a cleansing activity for me, but I thought that this would be an interesting experiment. At the very least- it’ll make me talk about many different topics that single girls have to deal with, not just rant and rave about how all men seem to be idiots when it comes to relationships and that they need to learn to just ask women out instead of playing games.
Now that we have talked about why am I doing this- let’s get to the topic at hand. For this week I have chosen how to deal with boys/men. I am going to talk about the ones we are interested in, the ones that we do not care for and the ones that we are comfortable only ever being friends with. There are more categories that men can fall into, but I think that these main three will take care of most of it.
Let’s first tackle the men that we are interested in, in our lives. Whether or not the interest is mutual, is a completely different matter. That is an important thing to figure out, but it is something that takes time and it takes some skill to ascertain. The only thing that I ask of you is to please act with some dignity- while throwing yourself at a man can give you some momentary satisfaction, it will not give you anymore than that. I have friends that are more than willing to toss themselves at whatever man they want for the moment and then wake up the next day wondering what they have done to themselves. If this is the only way that you know how to show interest, just stop. When men want to find an easy woman- they will- but you don’t need to be that woman. Even around the men that you are interested in, you have to have some self respect and know your limits. What good will it do you to get the man for a night when what you really wanted was a chance at a lifetime?
It is okay if you are not willing to just settle for being your interest’s friend- I know there are some people that I have solidly said in the past that I cannot just be friends with them. Now is the hard part you are going to have to show your interest and there are many ways to do this that do not make a complete fool of yourself. It can be something as simple as paying attention to what he really has to say and asking questions. It could be laughing at his stupid jokes or tossing back the food wrapper that he threw at you. It could be just a smile and a willingness to look the person in the eye- a lot of these things are hard to do, especially if you like someone, but you have to do them. Whether or not the man actually likes you ‘that way’- he’ll know that you are a nice girl and while being a nice girl can sometimes be crumby, it sure beats being the psycho girl that came on far too strong.
Now that that is out of the way- let’s talk about the men that just make you go ick. Whether it is because of the fact that you feel that they are creepy, odd or just aren’t your type. While I fully live beside the fact that you should kill people with kindness, this does not work with guys that you don’t like. You can leave them alone and ignore them- this is actually probably the best thing that I can suggest unless you have to interact with the person. There are some people that I work with that I get the creepy, icky feeling around and I try to act as normally as possible. Ultimately- there are just some people that are going to give you the creeps and you will have to find a way to deal with it.
Getting into a specific relationship issue- is the guy that likes you that give you the creepy run for your life feeling. Don’t play around with him- many people will mistake kindness for genuine interest and being kind to someone who is interested when you aren’t can hurt them in the end. While you may have to be a bit harsh and have a cold shoulder turned towards the guy- there is no reason to be rude. There is no reason to demean the man for having feelings about you, but you do have to be sure to stomp things down quickly, but gently. Otherwise you could find yourself in a situation that you will not be able to take.
And lastly- the guys that are our friends. Whether or not these are men that you have known from when they were little boys or guys that are the friends of your friends- these are the men that would probably beat people up for you. If any of these men are in the questionable zone- that is fine. There are people that will always be in that questionable zone of if you want to be their friends at all or if you want to be more than friends. These men are your friends- so be yourself- they should be able to deal with you in any form. There is one important thing to remember- you are still a lady, so don’t feel like you can absolutely just let yourself go around them. It is the lovely game you get to play of walking the line between being too girly around a bunch of guys and becoming too much like the men. You honestly never know what one of your guy friends may or may not think of you.
So, this is how I view dealing with men. I am sure that some of you will have different views or would like to know how to deal with other types of men in your life. What do you have to say? Is this even helpful? Feel free to interact.