It is funny how many of my friends and even family are always hesitant to label their relationship with someone. I know that it takes people a good bit of time to have that talk- you know, the one where you have to define your relationship. Are you just friends? Are you interested in something more? Are you ready to exclusively date to become a…couple?
I do not know how many friends that I have watched go through the heartbreak of really wanting to be a couple, but not being able to do so. It is definitely part of the reason that I have not been so willing to let down my guard with many men. I know what the cliche says and I’m working on finding love, I just don’t want to lose it. I don’t want to have this infamous talk and for the man to bolt. But there is really no other way to tell if someone is interested in having something long term.
In my search of all things relationship based, I’ve seen articles about how you shouldn’t have this conversation when someone has closed off body language. How the conversation should just be moved to somewhere, where they are unable to stand with closed off body language. I am no expert (and I’m not sure the person who wrote any of these articles is either)- but to me, if the person is closed off to being a couple, maybe you should move on. I don’t want to waste my time on someone that isn’t really interested.
This is part of the reason why I am looking at online dating the way that I am- would I love to find a relationship in it? Yes. Am I realistic that this just might not happen? Absolutely. For me it is all about the experience of putting myself out there, getting rejected and actually being okay with it. While this isn’t the ideal that the online dating websites advertise, it is actually what I am looking for- because the realist in me says it is going to be very hard to meet someone and know in a few emails what they are really like.
There is also something that I think many people fail to realize- that they just may be in a different place in their life from the person that they are interested in. Not everyone is ready to settle down in the mid-twenties, some people feel the need to wait until they are older, some are ready to settle down at a younger age. If you accidentally find yourself in a relationship where you aren’t at the same place, becoming a couple will be hard- it may actually be a word that is not in your partner’s vocabulary. I can’t tell you how to push the issue- I’m not sure if you should. All I can say is that you have to choose, fairly quickly- do you want to wait or do you want to move on? Neither answer is wrong or right, it is all about what you can handle.