Talking to a friend today, I told her about some of the changes that I have made recently. One of which is letting people see the real person that I am, the one that I usually hide with layers of shyness so thick that it takes a pick axe to get through them. I am not going to go as far as to say that I have completely overcome being shy, but at least for the moment my shyness is taking a backseat. It has always been hard for me to show the world who I really am. I’m not sure why, but I have always had a really hard time with it. I also find that I have a hard time trusting people that see me when I am in an extremely shy place. I know that they aren’t seeing the real me.
Last week, I had a couple of rough days that I have already talked about, but I have just found out that there is not enough time in the world for me to hide myself from people. It has very much become a ‘if you don’t like me as I am- fine’ type thing for me and I like this new side of myself. There are so many things that I don’t know, so many things that I am probably going to get a quick introduction to in the next few years. I’m a late bloomer and I have come to be alright with that.
I spent enough years hiding and being embarrassed by the fact that I didn’t have the same experiences that so many of my friends have had. I now realize that we aren’t going to all have the same experiences and that I have nothing to be embarrassed by. I am probably going to have to explain more things about myself than the next person- yeah, I’ll probably have to, but that’s okay. My past is my past and I don’t want it to conquer my future any longer.
I am sure that I will still have shy moments in the future- I’d be a fool to say that I won’t, but I’m determined to make my way through it. Not to dwell in those days and allow myself to feel sorry for myself. I can’t afford those feelings of self doubt anymore. I just didn’t realize how much I needed to get rid of all of it until recently. It’s funny what an eight day experiment can do to make you change your mind about just how you want to do things.