Just A Chance

It seems like it would be so simple to get a chance at something that you really want, but I am finding out more and more lately that it is increasingly difficult to gain that chance.  It’s even harder to get it back once you have lost it or failed to recognize that you had a chance in the first place.

In relationships this is all that I want- a real chance.  I can’t say that I have ever really had one- high school doesn’t count and it seems like all of the guys that I like either aren’t interested or…well aren’t interested.  Apparently, I have an absolutely horrible history of liking people that do not  nor shall they ever reciprocate the feeling.  And all I have ever wanted out of these men that I like- is a chance.

It’s hard on a girl to feel the constant rejection, hard to know that she has always been viewed as unsuitable.  It does not make the future look any better.  Guys out there- you can talk about rejection all that you want, but I can promise that you have moved on from every single one of those…to the next pretty girl that gave you her number.  I don’t do that.  It’s not in my nature and maybe I pay for that, but haven’t I paid enough?

Self doubt is not a pretty color to wear and it is something that I wish I could throw away.  I wish that I did not feel it and I know that I have to be happy with myself and for the most part I am.  I just want to be accepted by one person, who is not obligated by blood to love me, as the person that I really am.  As the girl who has born many hurts and has tried her best to not turn into a bitter soul, but has failed in some ways.

You can say that it is a modern world, you can say that I should make the move first.  I’ve done that and it backfired just as well as anything else.  So- my conclusion in all of this is that, I guess I am the problem.  That doesn’t mean that I don’t deserve a chance to change, to show people who I really am.  I just don’t know if I’ll ever get it.


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