If you are a woman, you have most likely had an hour, a day or a week when you just feel down (damn those blasted hormones) and all you want to do is cry. I have learned that I sometimes just need to give into that temptation and cry, cry the tears and then I’ll feel better. Usually, this happens when I am on the phone with my mom and she asks me when was the last time I had a good cry- the answer is almost always- too long ago.
Well, needless to say, today was one of those days. It was about time for my monthly good cry and then feeling much better session. I really do feel better, but I can’t help but wonder why there are so many times that I hide the feelings that I have. I know that I can handle them- I’m just not sure if the people around me can.
I have several good friends, who live in various states that I know can handle me in just about any state. Sadly, none of those friends are here and I haven’t exactly met anyone that I am ready to let my walls down with. And I have walls that are defended like those of Fort Knox. I’ve had to do that to save myself a bit of pain and leave myself with a bit more sanity.
I’ve always had this dream that I will eventually find this guy that will actually like this crazy person that I am. The one who pretty much has a monthly requirement of a good cry for no other reason than the fact that she feels down and that just about anything can set her off. I don’t think that is too crazy, it’s just hard when everything that you want seems to only exist in your dreams. And trust me- if dreams were pennies- I’d be a millionaire by now.
Dreams kept me going during the hard times, when I was fairly certain that I was never going to find out what exact health concern plagued me. When I was starting to believe that all of the things that I knew were wrong with me- were simply in my head. I still held strong to my dreams and cried at the fact that far too few of them have actually come true. I know that dreams are something that generally do not exist in reality, but there are times when you just have to hope that the pain you have felt will do something besides just making you stronger. That maybe, just maybe, you had to endure the pain in order to find something good.