After ‘Being the Friend’- I got a comment from someone that got me thinking about what I do to make myself one of those girls that can just be considered the friend. Is it because I know how to talk about sports? That I sometimes will share stories about how much I disliked basic training while the guys I am talking to are all gung-ho about it and the mud that they got to wallow in (ick)? That my career makes me wear camouflage every day and you cannot tell if I have a curvy figure or if I am as big as my uniform makes me look? Those are all things that I can admit to doing- but I want to argue this one fact- when the shy girl talks- maybe the guys should listen. Maybe they should take a moment to understand that people like me don’t talk without some sort of purpose.
I had a fun, invigorating, absolutely splendidiforous (yes I am being sarcastic) class that lasted a couple of weeks and caused me to color several pictures to keep from falling asleep. During the first day of this class I decided one thing- that I was not going to be shy. I was going to make the conscious effort and talk to people and smile instead of burying my head in the mud and trying to hide from people and just coast through class. Within the first couple of hours of class- I noticed some oddities in the guys that were sitting around me. A couple of them spent the better part of the day straightening their shirts and doing other fun things like that. What was even odder to me was that the next day- they all dressed better (at least the ones who were not of the camouflage wearing variety). I will not take credit for any of their actions, there were plenty of other women in the classroom, it was just something that I noticed.
Around work, it is the general rule that most people are introverts- some of them extreme introverts. So maybe, I just don’t have the right environment to have guys around that are not naturally shy. This is where I call bull crap. I have always, ALWAYS (yes, it needed all caps), been told that even shy guys will eventually make a move if they like someone enough. I think it is just the eventually part that bothers me the most- I honestly give someone a chance, but after they show no interest- I am done and I go into friend mode. It’s the part of me that says ‘if they aren’t willing to say anything to me as someone they like- then I’ll just be nice’. Being a vindictive b*%#h is not part of my normal operating mode and I am realistic that not everyone that I am interested in will be interested in me as well. If that was the case, things would have worked out quite differently for me.
So, do I think that I play up being one of the guys in hopes that the guy I like will be interested in me? Maybe- I know it is important to be able to talk to a person about the things that they like. However, that doesn’t change me from being a girl. You tell me that you have eaten raw liver or something of the sort- I’m going to be disgusted. I’m never going to pretend that I don’t like make up or fingernail polish or pretty clothes- I’m still a girl after all. I’ll talk about cooking and the frustrations of being forced to wear pleated pants because someone decided that they looked good thirty years ago. I guess the answer to the question is- that I am willing to relate to guys, but I am not going to compromise being a girl or talk only about guy stuff in order to try to snag a guy I am interested in. I’m just going to do what makes sense to me and while I don’t have the best record- do I really want someone that only likes me for the person that I pretended to be? Or do I want someone who likes the real me?
It takes a lot for a shy person to talk, even more for them to look you in the eye and say something- but people like me force themselves to do it all the time. We feel uncomfortable and we feel out of place, but we force ourselves to do these things because we know it is for the best. So- the next time that the ‘shy girl’ speaks- maybe you should just listen. We usually don’t take our words lightly.