Actions Without Words

I can absolutely admit to being one of those girls that looks into every thing a bit too deeply.  If I don’t bury it deep down, then I tend to take a deep look at any given situation.  In the past, this has put me in hurtful situations where I am unable to cope with what I thought was a sure thing because of all of the ‘signs’ that I had interpreted.  Here is what I have learned- that all of the actions that so many advice columnists claims are sure things are not those things when the other person is not willing to put words to their actions.  In short- they are afraid to say what ever it is that is making them act a certain way.

When you read just about any advice column on ‘body language’ (even in the most platonic sense) there is always a chance that some of things that are said are going to be misinterpreted.  There is a good chance that you, as an observer, are going to get things wrong or mistake one sign for something that it is not.  What makes me truly ill is that these advice columnists give out a bit of false hope- what they basically are saying is that if you see x, y and z in someone- then they are going to act.  If I could count the number of times that I have seen x, y and z and there has been nothing more than a smile- it would probably be a bit of a staggering weight.

This is part of the reason that I had an epiphany today.  This epiphany was rather simple, that while I enjoy learning more about body language and what it means in someone- I now understand something.  Even if I, or anyone else, gives off all the correct cues- there is absolutely no guarantee that there is going to be any words that go along with those actions.  You an go further into this and determine that men are action  oriented while women are word oriented.  That is perfectly fine, but eventually words have to be said.

Usually this would be the point where I went for the ice cream and other really tasty but not diet friendly treats.  I’d wonder to myself about what I did wrong in all of it.  Wasn’t I clear enough?  Wasn’t I doing all the things that I am supposed to do?  Did I appear desperate?  Did I come on too strong?  (And honestly, from a person as shy as I am, the last one is pretty absurd).  Still- I’d analyze it all and beat myself up in the process, and then come to the conclusion that I had obviously done something wrong.  If only I knew what it was!

Today, in a situation that I have been through several times before, I faced going down this road of internal destruction.  However, this time I was determined to come to a different conclusion and part of this different conclusion comes from the fact that I felt differently about this situation.  How did I feel different?  For once, I felt like I had been myself, with all of the ugly and pretty parts on display and while some people would sit and moan that being themselves hadn’t worked…so why would something else…I can’t do that.  Because this time I realize something- I gave people power over me that they didn’t deserve.  Power that they did not even know that they had.  Power that made me feel absolutely miserable and like a complete and utter failure.

As someone who is single, I can most definitely feel the pressures to go out, find someone and marry them.  I have actually had those thoughts passing through my mind at more frequent intervals than I really care to admit lately.  There is always something that I remember though and it has to do with my own dignity. While it is hard to be alone and trying to find someone that is willing to ask you out in a world where more and more people meet online instead of meeting in person- everyone has their own personal values.  I’m pretty much a strict, old fashioned person.  Men and women can be equal in as many ways as you want, but in my mind it will always be the man’s job to actually make the first move.  This can be completely agravating, because every fears rejection, but taking chances comes with the territory.

Does this change things?  Yes, from now on, I am going to be the person that I really am and if the people that are around me don’t appreciate it, that’s okay.  They, ultimately, do not have to live in my shoes.  Will I still go and read my somewhat stupid and completely void of advice, advice columns?  Yes.  Will I still read body language?  Yeah- I think I am actually decent at it. Will I be hurt when all of my reading into stuff comes to naught?  Nope.  Not my loss anymore.  I’m a firm believer in the someday my prince will come club and if that means I just have to wait a little longer for someone who will actually approach me, instead of throwing off actions and not putting any words to them.  That is absolutely fine.  I saw what their actions spoke, but there are some times when actions mean nothing, without the proper words.

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