For those of you that read my posts on a regular basis, you probably have noticed my little sabbatical from blogging and it was something I needed. I needed to refocus and take a look at the whole dating thing again. I’ve done a lot of ranting about how boys act and how that has effected me. For the last couple of weeks though- I’ve been living in no woman’s land when it comes to dating.
I went through several weeks where I felt the flourishing of what might be a potential relationship- at the very least I thought it was going to be a good friendship. The fact of the matter is- I believe that I have misjudged this person. Maybe there was some attraction there, but either he is hiding it really well now and he decided I am not interested or he was never interested. The fact of the matter is- there is nothing now and I am okay with that.
Have I had some moments where I pitched a hissy fit, over analyzed everything and wanted to just stomp up to the guy, shake him and ask why in the world I was not good enough? Yeah. I absolutely have. However, I decided that things could not really continue in this manner. I could not keep going through the cycle of hell where I was excited when he talked to me and then downright glum when he went silent again.
So- this is where me and God had a good long talk. I cried- I let Him know just how upset I was about all of this and then I did something that I have never done before when it comes to guys. At least, I’ve never done it before and actually meant the words that were coming out of my mouth. I told God that it was okay if this guy didn’t like me and then I asked that God let him find the person he needed in his life, even if that wasn’t me. I’ve said that in the past- but I can admit that I really didn’t mean it. For those of you that aren’t religious- this may not mean anything to you, but for me it was something that came about with sudden clarity. I just had to let go of the pain and trust that God would understand what I really meant.
Ultimately- this is about being at peace. I still have to see this person on a daily basis and the fact is- he did nothing wrong. He just didn’t reciprocate the interest that I felt for him and honestly I can say that he didn’t even know I was interested. I never told him and who knows- things may happen in the future, but for right now I am not going to continue to obsess. I am going to smile and I am going to live my life, because that is all that you can really do when someone isn’t interested. And who knows- maybe I’ll find the courage to say something or maybe this will just be another lesson that I have learned that will help me in my dating future.
